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I am really very depressed about things happening around me, not depress in the way depress, it's sad.
Really, what's happening? What's happening?!
I read my brother's " Dear Journal " just now, I found his sad ranting in it.
He just sounds like some small kid, he don't sound like himself, not at all.
He's sad, so am I, but why these things happened?

I didn't talk to my mother for about a month already, or maybe even more
I miss her, alot, alot. Since the day I sent her a "happy mother's day" message,
I didn't text her anymore, before that I did not talk to her already, no more.
Why? I miss her, I miss her laughter, her jokes, her voice.
Why are things going so wrong around me?

My dad keep giving that attitude look to me, he quarreled with my mom few days ago,
Why? What did she do wrong? I believe she did nothing wrong, nothing, not a thing.
I believe her, I trust her, and I love her.
Why my dad have to quarrel with her to increase her pressure? I really took a pity on her.
I really want to help her, but how? how? I can't do anything to help her, i'm really sad.

I'm broke, I did not want to take extra money from my dad,
I did not want to request money from him. I made myself so shag, he did not realise.
He did not understand what I'm thinking. All he did is give me that " look down on me " face.
Whatever I did is always wrong, whatever. I'm really tired about this.
I'm sorry to surrounding people, I'm really looking forward to work and pay everything back.
Soon, hope really soon. I did not take any advantage, I recorded every cent in my phone,
I won't forget, and I will not pretend I've forgotten.

I save, alreadied saved, but I'm just poor.
Why am I poor? I did not reach this state before. Never before.
Maybe it's because of those "friends" who keep persuading me in ..
They know, or maybe he knows. He landed me in this situation.
I kept my distance from him, I'm still keeping. I won't go near.

I really appreciated those people around me, really.
But sometimes I just can't clique in, cause I'm not as rich.
Maybe one day I'll break down. I hope I won't, just because of money.
People in the other part of the world are poorer, so much poorer.
I know I don't sound like myself, maybe I'm like this, no one knows, Idk either.
I'm angry, I rant to release my anger, I talk and laugh to forget things. I hope I can.
Sometimes I'm scared that people will know what I'm thinking. I keeping myself away.
Away, so far away. and pooooof, I'm gone. I hope I can.

I'm really gonna text my mother soon, I really can't live without her.
So what's wrong with me? How can I live these few weeks without talking to her?
Please god, take away some pressure from her! I believe she's sad too.
She did not want her life to be just work and work. And I did not want her to be in this state.

I'm so gonna study well, work for all I can, provide everything my mother need.
I'm really trying my best for my friends. Sometimes I'm just out of control. I'm just weird.
So weird. And I'm sorry. I won't be meeting you people so soon, until ..